The Seaside Boardwalk

To the tune of Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana”

Her name was Trix, she is a hooker

With that dress cut up to here, in her hand there was a beer

She would suck your wang, and douche her twah-at

And while she tried to make her bucks, she’d take anyone’s cheap fucks

Across the crowded boards, she worked from eight till four

She had AIDS and no bazookas, who could fuck that whore?

Chorus

At the Boardwalk, the Seaside Boardwalk

The hottest spot if you like VD

At the Boardwalk, the Seaside Boardwalk

Pussy with syphilis was always arrested at the Boardwalk

She’ll give you AIDS (Boardwalk…the Seaside Boardwalk)

While I like to blame Norman for these things, "The Seaside Boardwalk" was all my fault. I was the one who wrote the lyrics and recorded it. Norm just cheered the process along 🙂

Kevin

Regretful Author

His name was Ron, he wore an earring

He was walking to his car, he saw her at the bar

When she stared, he came right over

He took her under the boards, and fucked the slimy whore

He woke up to take a piss, he hoped he wouldn’t miss

There was blood and a single pus drop, but just what did he catch?

The song wasn't all about Trix. It was partially about Ron's habit of picking up sluts at the Boardwalk and banging them out. In my mind when I wrote this, I was thinking about his later wife Cindy. He picked her up at the boards and brought her back to my house within an hour of meeting her, and fucked her in the basement with the door to the room open so we could all see him plowing her snatch. Heh. I mean it was hard to look her in the face after that.

Kevin

Regretful Author

[Chorus]

Her name was Trix, she was a hooker

But that was ten years ago when she wasn’t quarantined

Now she’s a junkie in a rest home

With a needle in her hand and a rubber armband

She sits there with her vibe and fucks herself all the time

She lost a job and she lost her good times, now she’s lost her mind

[Chorus]

"Trix" was the name for Norman's mother. He used to argue that Trix was a purely mythical being, but we all understood her as Norm's mom. Her reputation was mainly based on her job involving dropping off dry cleaning at people's houses. She'd have the keys, so she'd wander all over Seaside dropping off laundry, going in and out of houses. She also had a quirk about invading personal space. She got _really_ close to you when talking. Probably enhanced the effect. Anyway, it wasn't just myself and Norm talking about Trix. It was a common belief.

Kevin

Regretful author

The Seaside Boardwalk