I actually found Analie’s OnlyFans site. It required zero effort, she uses the same nickname everywhere, OnlyFans, Tiktok, etc.
I stopped myself from looking for the better part of 2 years. I laughed and was a little sad. Not out of regret for me, i’m glad i’m rid of her, but for her.
Every pic and video on there is at least a year and a few months old because she’s so decrepit from the drugs now that i don’t think anyone would pay to see that. Also she was wearing jewelry that I had bought her – before she pawned it for drugs. Which was the whole reason for the OnlyFans site, she was running out of money for her crack.
You can also tell the pics and videos are old because she used to get her eyebrows microbladed. I paid for it a couple times, it’s not cheap, but it looked good. She can’t afford it anymore so her eyebrows are all funny looking now. In addition, she hasn’t gotten her forehead botoxed for a long time, so the lines are pretty notable.
In some strange way, this humanizes her. Doing gross porn humanizes her. I want even less to do with her now after seeing it. I am not sure what less than nothing is, but whatever that is. If I still had feelings for her, I suppose seeing her suck some guy’s dick with the cushion cut halo diamond ring I bought her on would bother me, but it doesn’t. It just demonstrates how bad her disease is and how little she cares for herself. A corollary of this is that she can’t care much about other people. And she does not.
The way she treated her mother was horrible, and the way she treated me was horrible. She treated Shartbox badly and my other daughter as well. How she treats herself should be no better.
As of October 19th, she had posted a new old video up of her sucking cock. I suppose desperation for funds? I was hoping she’d been getting better. I’d noticed she’d been paying off old debts. But if she is doing sex for money…probably not. Maybe someday.
It’s not that sex itself is a problem. I hope she could actually have a meaningful relationship with someone with intimacy enough to justify sex. I’ve certainly run my number up since her. I am getting into the high double digits range for my body count and I had to put a stop to it. My current girlfriend (I met her before I gave up on trying to help Analie this summer) is actually great in bed, which is something Analie wasn’t. It wasn’t about the physical act or the attractiveness of the body. It’s about attitude. Analie never acted like she was into it except when completely blotto. Maybe that was how she was when she did these porn videos. Though when she is blotto she can’t even find your junk. Her drunkenly patting around looking for my dick was pretty funny if it weren’t so sad.
Makes clear to me that my decision to leave her behind was the correct one. She’d just try to ruin my life again. And all the intimacy we had over 14 years was meaningless. Utterly meaningless.
